# Does no contact work if your ex is in a relationship?

> By Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of "How to Get Your Ex Back".
> Canonical: https://bennylichtenwalner.com/answers/does-no-contact-work-if-your-ex-is-in-a-relationship/

**Short answer:** No contact works better here than in almost any other breakup, because nothing you say can compete with someone new giving your ex attention. The one change: your no-contact window runs until the rebound genuinely ends, not until an arbitrary day count. Most rebounds after a real relationship fall apart within two to six months.

Short answer: yes, no contact works when your ex is dating someone else, arguably better than in a clean breakup. Nothing you could say competes with someone actively giving them attention right now, and most things you could say make the comparison worse, not better. The one real change is the timeline: your no-contact window doesn't end on a fixed day, it runs until the rebound genuinely ends.

I'm Benny Lichtenwalner, breakup coach and author of *How to Get Your Ex Back*. This is one of the harder situations people bring me, mostly because it feels like the odds have already been decided. In most cases they haven't.

## Why no contact works even better here

A rebound puts your ex in constant contact with someone new, someone showing them attention, interest, and novelty. Anything you send into that dynamic, a text, a like, a "thinking of you," gets compared directly against what they're getting elsewhere, and rarely wins that comparison in the moment. Silence removes you from the comparison entirely. It lets your absence do the one thing presence can't: create space for them to notice what the new relationship isn't giving them, without you looking like you're trying to compete for it.

## The rebound timeline, honestly

There's no fixed rule for how long a rebound lasts, and I'd be lying if I gave you one. What I see across real cases: most rebounds that follow a real, established relationship fall apart somewhere in the two-to-six-month range. Some last longer, especially if the new person offers something genuinely different from what your ex had before. Some end in weeks. The number isn't the point. The point is that most don't hold, because a lot of rebounds run on the need to feel wanted again more than on real compatibility with the new person.

| Rebound duration | How common | What it usually means |
|---|---|---|
| Under 1 month | Common | Filling an immediate emotional void, rarely stable |
| 2–6 months | Most common | Typical arc after a real, established relationship |
| 6+ months | Less common | The new relationship may have found real footing |

## What actually changes about no contact

The one meaningful adjustment: your no-contact period doesn't run on the usual 30-to-90-day clock. It runs until the rebound is actually over, not until a day count says you're free to reach out. Contacting your ex while they're still emotionally invested in someone else, even if the relationship looks shaky from the outside, puts you in a position you don't want: competing, or worse, waiting around for someone else's relationship to fail. Neither reads well, and neither is a position you can hold with any dignity for long. Wait for a clear, confirmed end, not a rumor or a guess based on their social media.

## What to do if they contact you while still with someone else

Respond, if you choose to, warmly and briefly. Don't ask about the new relationship. Don't hint at getting back together. Don't read too much into the fact that they reached out; people in shaky relationships sometimes reach out to an ex for reassurance without meaning anything by it. If they're genuinely done with the rebound and reaching toward you, that will become clear on its own, and it's a conversation worth having only once it has.

## The psychology behind why this works

Rebounds usually serve an emotional function first: proving the breakup didn't hurt, feeling desired again, filling the space fast so there's no time to sit with the loss. Once that function is served, and real life sets back in, disagreements, boredom, comparisons to the old relationship, a lot of rebounds lose their footing. Your job during this stretch is to stay out of it entirely, and be someone worth returning to when it runs its course.

For the mechanics of the no-contact period itself, see the [no-contact rule guide](/guides/no-contact-rule/). For more on what happens specifically when an ex has moved on to someone new, [do exes come back after dating someone else](/answers/do-exes-come-back-after-dating-someone-else/) covers the fuller picture.